


I lie a lot, Avaline

by multifarious



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Everyone lives, Family Breakfast, Gen, Not Beta Read, Stage Play Format, The feels, We Die Like Men, everyone is the Kirkwall Champion, fun with death, no one dies, wait I died how?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:08:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23069719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multifarious/pseuds/multifarious
Summary: Varric has said many times that he lies and that the best stories are the ones where only the hero is left alive. So what is it really like in the Hawke family?OrWhat happens when no ones dead and the author spent too many years in the theatre.
Relationships: Female Hawke/Varric Tethras
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	I lie a lot, Avaline

**Author's Note:**

> Hi peeps, I have come back from the grave to write a thing. I will probably return now to the ether in hopes that it will inspire me to finish my incomplete fics

“I lie a lot, Avaline” or “What really happened”

_Morning at the Amell estate, breakfast is clearly underway. Leandra sits at the head of the breakfast table, Garret, only awake by the strength of his coffee, and Carver to one side. Varric sits in a window seat surrounded by papers, alternately scribbling furiously and staring out the window. Marion relaxes nearby, her feet propped up on a clear section of the window seat._

_Enter Bethany, stage left, carrying an ostentatious flower arrangement and drops it carelessly on the table in front of Leandra, she then resumes her place at the table._

**LEANDRA** : _peering around the flowers._ “What on earth is this?”

 **BETHANY** : “Flowers, I think. They are from Lord Fart-niche.”

 **LEANDRA** : “Pardon?”

 **CARVER** : “She means Lord Far-night.”

 **MARION** : “I thought it was Far-quiche.”

 **VARRIC** : _not looking up from his papers_. “Close, its Farchioche, he’s Orlisian.”

 **LEANDRA** : _very disappointed and a little annoyed._ “Oh _him_ , he’s a bit…..too fond of cheese.”

 **BETHANY** : “Don’t worry Mother, I told him you were dead.”

 **LEANDRA** : “Oh good!” _Gets up to move the flowers to a sideboard, pauses_ “How did I die this time?”

 **BETHANY** : “It was quite dreadful! It was a serial killer who has been taking body parts to build a perfect woman. He thought you had lovely hands.”

 **LEANDRA** : _laughs_ “They are rather nice aren’t they.”

 **VARRIC** : “You have a real flare for the dramatic, Sunshine. You’d put me out of business with your tales.”

 **BETHANY** : _with a chuckle_ “I loathe writing them down, its never as fun. But feel free to use it in one of yours.”

 **MARION** : “I was always fond of Mother’s death at sea.”

 **GARRET** : _apparently just waking in time to catch Carver’s hand as he tries to steal toast from his plate_ “Oh I don’t know; Carver being torn apart by that Darkspawn Ogre was pretty great.”

 **BETHANY** : _primly_ “That was how I died, thank you very much. Carver was lost to us in the Deep Roads Expedition from the Blight”

 **MARION** : _overly distraught, to Carver_ “It was all my fault! I should have never let you come with us! Mother was devastated.”

 **LEANDRA** : _fakes being sad_ “Sometimes I swear I can still hear his voice.”

_Gamlen enters stage right with an empty basket_

**GARRET** : _clutching Carver to his bosom,_ “If only I had been there. I would have fought through the Darkspawn to get you to the Wardens for a cure.”

_Carver now in range of Garret’s plate, he liberates the toast. Garrett wrestles him into a headlock_

**GAMLEN** : _absentmindedly filling the basket with pastries_ “What are we curing?”

 **CARVER** : _waiving the toast at his uncle from the headlock_ “My death at the hands of a Darkspawn.”

 **GAMLEN** : _nonplussed_ “That’s nice. Well I’m off to gamble the family fortune away.”

 **LEANDRA** : “I keep telling you not to play Wicked Grace with Charade, Brother. I taught her all my tricks.”

 **GAMLEN** : _sighs and gestures with_ _a loaf of bread_ “I know, I know, but she cleaned me out of lemon cookies and left me with only the anise ones. I must avenge my honor.”

 **LEANDRA** : “I’ll have Cook make a double batch and bring it down later.”

 **GAMLEN** : _grumbling good naturedly as he leaves stage left with the now full basket_ “Sure and then you’ll both want to play cards and I will still be out of lemon cookies.”

 **LEANDRA** : “Alright, what is on the Hawke agenda for today?”

 **MARION** : _pulls a paper from her pocket_ “Only a few things for today. Thrask wants a Hawke to talk down some apostates that are hiding out on the Wounded Coast. I have a lady looking for her Templar recruit brother, kid’s name is Keran. There is some chatter that he is not the only one missing. Last one is from Athenril, someone is nicking her shipments and she wants it dealt with.”

 **GARRET** : “I’ll look in to Athenril’s missing shipments.”

 **CARVER:** “I have some friends in the Templars, so I’ll take the missing kid.”

 **MARION** : “Alright, Bethany that leaves you and me to deal with Thrask’s lost sheep.”

_Garret, Carver, Marion, and Bethany start gathering their things to leave. Leandra pulls a small jar from her pocket and as each of her children bid farewell, she uses some of the paint from the jar to swipe a streak of red across their nose_

**VARRIC** : “Marion, give me just a moment to get this put away and I’ll come with you.”

 **LEANDRA** : “Leave it, I’ll take care of it for you.”

 **VARRIC** : _chuckles_ “You just want to read ahead and see what happens.”

 **LEANDRA** : “Well you’re not wrong.”

_Varric laughs and nods his consent and they exit stage left_

_End scene._


End file.
